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This is my tribute to the
funniest thing that I hear each day. |
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| July 2007 | "Wish me luck! I have a date tonight. Or, as I call it, I'm playing a round of 'Spin the Psycho Wheel.'" - Joe Dan Pope | |||||
| April 2007 | Dan: "You really need to slow down your drinking." Greg: "Shush, that's Loser-Talk". | |||||
| September 21, 2006 |
"They are my sheroes" -Sandy Edmundson (about the Dixie Chicks for speaking their minds on the new CD.) |
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| April 10, 2006 |
"Maybe you could get Journey to come sing dressed up as Star Wars characters. That would be a good present for Brian." - Amity Little |
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| January 05, 2005 |
"You should just tell them it's 5." - Amity Little. In response to someone at work that was getting frustrated with calculating emissions, because she didn't know how it was done. |
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| September 02, 2004 |
Apoo: "I always thought karma was baloney, but now I know it's not." Homer: "Mmm. Caramel Baloney" From an episode of "The Simpson's" |
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| July 27, 2004 |
"In other words, they need a country divided. We don't" Former President Bill Clinton (At the Democratic National Convention, Clinton summarized an idea that I have felt for a long time. The Republican party uses a tactic to win elections, that tactic is to alienate those that do not share their beliefs and divide the population. This creates a sense of "the just" fighting "evil". It has worked ever since Reagan drummed up competition with the Russians. The Republican Party thrives on a divided America.) |
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| July 08, 2004 |
"They're lucky that I even come to work." - Amity Little (In a conversation about meeting expectations at work.) |
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| June 30, 2004 |
"Does he have a garage? We need to see significant progress. Avoid the issuance of civil penalties because it gives TOC a bad rap, but recognize that sometimes, you have to crack the whip. What do you think is reasonable? If the engine is bad, replace it. All we need to see is that it moves forward and backward. Who cares if it's ugly. Greg's ugly and sometimes trashy, but we don't fine him. I would just advise you to be reasonable and put yourself in their shoes. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. Let me know what you decide." - Mark Tutor (An email sent to my co-worker, Lenny.) |
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| June 13, 2004 |
Brian: important notice! Brian: I really miss Chris! Greg: LOL Greg: Jaw dropping announcement there Brian: I know. Greg: Maybe you should take up knitting to pass the time Brian: *knits a bridge to croatia*. - Brian Martin |
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| May 29, 2004 | You two get your fucking asses out there or you're not sleeping here tonight." (To Alison and I, while we were trying to avoid talking to a guest that overstayed their welcome at his pool party. Gerry was tired of trying to politely entertain the guest, while hinting for him to get out.) - Gerry Kato | |||||
| May 25, 2004 | "The Bangles can suck cock and die." (To me, when I started singing "Walk Like An Egyptian") - Alison Hendrix | |||||
| March 18, 2004 | "I don't think Montana was a better team than Florida." (To the Orlando Sentinel after a first round loss in the NCAA Tournament. Apparently, the dumbass didn't realize they had just gotten their asses kicked by Manhattan, not Montana) - Florida guard Anthony Roberson | |||||
| March 06, 2004 | "The gay community is pimping the civil rights movement and the history, in the view of many, it's racist at worst, cynical at best." Rev. Gene Rivers, a black Boston minister and president of the National Ten-Point Leadership Foundation. | |||||
| February 09, 2004 | "In ancient civilization if you killed somebody, instead of putting you in jail like they do nowadays... They took that dead person and strapped that dead person to your back. And you know what ended up happening? The dead person ended up killing the person that was carrying him. (sobbing) I had a dead person on my back from a long time, and I carried that man on my back until I heard a voice inside of me say, 'Tammy, lay him down. Just lay him down. I'll take care of you.' And one day I unstrapped that dead body from my back. I laid that body down, and I said, 'God, He's not a part of my anymore.' And I lived. And a lot of you people today may have a lot of dead people strapped to your back who have worked you. It may be your mom for not accepting you, or it may be your dad, or some family member for not accepting you as you are; but you need to unstrap who has ever hurt you. Get them off your back and go forward, and live! Lay them down, let them go, and move on!" (Speaking before a large group at a book signing on The WB's "The Surreal Life".) - Tammy Faye Messner | |||||
| January 09, 2004 |
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| December 31, 2003 | "I was much sober." (Drunk at a New Year's Eve party, this was the response when asked if he "was this drunk in Germany?) - Chris Holder | |||||
| December 27, 2003 | "I am no man." (As Eowyn in "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King") - Miranda Otto | |||||
| November 16, 2003 | "Hold'em!" (At Ericsson Stadium, trying to seem interested and intelligent about the Panthers - Redskins game. The only problem was that the Panthers were kicking a field goal. Yes, everyone started staring.) - Barbie Tarkington | |||||
| October 23, 2003 | "Hey Gina! Did you see that total loser down the hall named Greg? I was like 'Hello, loser!'"" (Another mystery text bubble found on a United Way poster at work. The poster showed two girls walking down the hall at school.) - Anonymous | |||||
| October 22, 2003 | "Oh great! If I had a dime for every sign guy that hit on me." (Another mystery text bubble that depicts what the old lady from October 20th's quote of the day was thinking.) - Anonymous | |||||
| October 21, 2003 | "We got McScrewed!" (Disappointed that he did not got free coupons for McDonald's food products.) - Randy Guthrie | |||||
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October 20, 2003 |
"Hey Baby! My name is Greg, and I'm a Scorpio. Can I get your number?" (We have this United Way fundraising drive going on at work, and there is a poster of a guy that sort of looks like me sitting on a bench talking to a little old lady. Someone mysteriously added a text bubble to the poster. The search is on for the perpetrator) - Anonymous | |||||
| September 07, 2003 | "Barbie's pregnant. How about that?" (My mom telling me that my sister is having a baby. I'm stunned) - Anzio Barnes | |||||
| August 10, 2003 | "Leroy died last Monday on August 4th" (The last of my childhood pets) - Anzio Barnes | |||||
| August 06, 2003 | "Just as I would not want my wife to have to privately sit with Bill Clinton, I would not want my sons to have to be in private with a gay bishop or clergy member." (On a radio talk-show proving, without a doubt, that he is a judgmental idiot.) - Rev. Jerry Falwell | |||||
| July 09, 2003 | "A dildo." (When asked what she had gotten Nelson (a former high school classmate) for his birthday. By the way she was joking) - Margaret McQueen | |||||
| May 18, 2003 | "A Triumph for Handicapped People Everywhere!" (Regarding Jenna's comparison of being beautiful to Christy's being deaf) - The title of the recap for the final episode of "Survivor: The Amazon" on televisionwithoutpity.com | |||||
| February 07, 2003 | "I caught Elizabeth going through my office trying to steal all of my beauty and diet secrets. It must be hard for her to work with someone as beautiful as me." - Sandy Edmundson | |||||
| January 18, 2003 | "You are an amazing person, an amazing man, and a wonderful friend. Don't ever change for anyone, and always be true to yourself no matter what everyone else is doing. That's what living your life is all about." (To me) - Amanda Murer | |||||
| January 10, 2003. | "There's no doubt, Jack is the opposite of all things good." (A response to an e-mail that my arch-enemy, Jack Meadows, sent me saying he was going to "beat me down".) - Tracy Errickson | |||||
| January 08, 2003 | "Was it ghood? I though it would be ghreat! Ghuess I was wrong" (Attempting to make fun of me for a typo spelling the word "good" as "ghood". The only problem is that she had a typo misspelling "thought". Revenge was achieved.) - Margaret McQueen | |||||
| December 24, 2002 | "A presinent!!!!" (My 3-year old niece's exclamation when she was given a Christmas present) - Brittney Davenport | |||||
| December 19, 2002 | "You are the epitome of the trashy, used car salesman" (To Brian on "Survivor: Thailand) - Helen Glover | |||||
| November 15, 2002 | "We're Oompa Loompa Doopity Screwed." (As Willy Wonka's accountant on Saturday Night Live) - Al Gore | |||||
| November 29, 2002 | "Ummmm, Tracy Chapman?" (A response, when asked "Do you know who Bruce Boxleitner is married to?) - Alison Hendrix | |||||
| November 15, 2002 | "Of course, phoenix birds have healing powers!" (An extremely cheesy part of Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets) - Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter | |||||
| November 05, 2002 | "Some races are going to be tighter than a botox smile." (Regarding the election of 2002) - Dan Rather | |||||
| October 15, 2002 | "You will believe this. Today I have on one black shoe and one blue." - Sandy Edmundson | |||||
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Sept. 20, 2002 |
"So then you said, 'Let's get out of here', but I didn't want to go, because I wanted some of your black aunt's cooking." (Rehashing to me a dream that she had. The dream was about going to dinner at my aunt's house - who happened to be African-American. While there, I got hit in the head with a frozen chicken.) - Alison Hendrix | |||||
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August 12, 2002 |
"You know why teachers are always so fat? 'Cause the lounge is full of donuts, cakes, and cookies all the damn time." - Marcie Davenport | |||||
| August 06, 2002 | "The girl is nasty and she needs Jesus." (About fellow housemate Chiara, and her constant banter about sex.) - Danielle from "Big Brother 3" | |||||
| August 05, 2002 | "It's an anger bubble!" (while yelling at Alison and I for annoying him, he formed a spit bubble at the corner of his mouth, and the quote is a response after I pointed it out) - Mike McElwain | |||||
| July 26, 2002 | "That is NOT the Quote of the Day." (after he said something funny, he decided to inform me that I could not use that as the Quote of the Day) - Mike McElwain | |||||
| July 20, 2002 | "Me and Joe are gonna go at it, if he steps on my feet one more time." (trying to act all ghetto while in a ridiculous line at Carowinds) - Summer Justice | |||||
| July 19, 2002 | "I was gonna ask him if I could keep it, but I thought that might be weird" (telling me a true story about a moth that got stuck in his ear) - Joe Pope | |||||
| July 12, 2002 | "Yeah, it's so annoying!" (about her one and a half year old daughter learning to speak) - Margaret McQueen | |||||
| July 07, 2002 | "Every passing minute, is a chance to turn it all around." - From the movie "Vanilla Sky" | |||||
| June 26, 2002 | "I got most of them." (Enormously proud, after knocking down about 7 pins while bowling) - Clayton Brown | |||||
| June 25, 2002 | "Yeah, if he would have committed rape that would have been really dishonest" (You had to be there, but the point of it was that he was making fun of me) - Mike Delaney | |||||
| June 24, 2002 | "Oh shit! It's 'It'. What is 'It'?" (about an androgynous person that we always see working at a local restaurant) - Alison Hendrix | |||||
| June 22, 2002 | "The wind feels good, blowing through where my hair used to be" (While swinging) - Mike McElwain | |||||
| June 03, 2002 | "Yeah, right!" (An outburst during a ridiculously unrealistic scene while watching "Spiderman") - Alison Hendrix | |||||
| May 31, 2002 | "Is it supposed to be a penis?" (About a candle that I bought in Arizona that is shaped like an adobe church, but so far everyone that has seen it, thinks it is a penis!) - Megan Castek | |||||
| May 30, 2002 | "Ms. Furlough was the biggest bitch that I have ever come into contact with in my whole life. She was just mean and cruel" (About my Science teacher in Grades 7-9) - Greg Barnes | |||||
| May 21, 2002 | "Dave was fabulous, he asked me to marry him. Of course, I had to say no, I just can't be a rock star's wife. The lifestyle is too unstable. I told him I would reconsider his proposal once he retired from the business with his millions." (When asked how she enjoyed the Dave Matthews Band concert) - Shomali Sengupta | |||||
| May 20, 2002 | "All week I've been trying to find somebody to split the money with, and she was like, 'Nah, I don't wanna split my money.' Now I've got 50 G's all to myself!" (About Holly) - Coral from "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge" | |||||
| May 15, 2002 | "I made up a clue for him on the plane: Go to Siberia, in the most remote place possible." (About Wil after he lost his clue to the next pit stop) - Blake from "The Amazing Race 2" | |||||
| May 13, 2002 | "This message is for the hottest redhead in all of Greenville. I just wanted to tell you happy birthday. This is your secret lover." (A birthday message left for Alison from my dad) - Bill Barnes | |||||
| May 12, 2002 | "Gomez? Gomez Clampett? You really think that the old man in "The Beverly Hillbillies" was named Gomez Clampett?" (To my sister Jane) - Greg Barnes | |||||
| May 08, 2002 | "You're not normal at all. That's why I like you. But your best quality, the one thing I like best about you, is that you like me." (To me) - Alison Hendrix | |||||
| May 07, 2002 | "Do you think this is funny? I have a 10-hour trip ahead of me and now I'm covered in this sweet juice." (To another woman after being accidentally sprayed by an exploding can of Dr. Pepper, in the most pissed off voice possible) - Some crazy woman at the Phoenix airport | |||||
| May 05, 2002 | "Are you cheering for the Expos?" - The lady next to me at the Expos-Diamondbacks game | |||||
| May 04, 2002 | "Can we go back tomorrow...and Monday...and Tuesday." (after returning from my first trip to a strip club) - Greg Barnes | |||||
| May 03, 2002 | "My parents didn't bring me from Cuba, and I didn't suffer through medical school, so I could live in some Mexican neighborhood." (about his impending move into a new house) - Gerry Kato | |||||
| April 29, 2002 | "It's 4:56, and I don't have the seconds." (returning a phone call to me) - Susanne Dozier | |||||
| April 28, 2002 | "He's some news guy, right? I don't know what he looks like." (about Bryant Gumbel) - Alison Hendrix | |||||
| April 27, 2002 | "Indy died this afternoon." (Indy is my family's pet cat that we have had since June 12, 1987.) - Anzio Barnes | |||||
| April 26, 2002 | "I love porn." (responding to an e-mail I sent to find out if it was OK to send her a funny pornographic image.) - Margaret McQueen | |||||
| April 25, 2002 | "You need to put beautiful pictures of me on it, so that you can promote my aspiring career as a rock star and movie actress." (after visiting my web page.) - Sandy Edmundson | |||||
| April 24, 2002 | "They're meant to dress us up like we're the Village People." (after being dressed like a Chinese Dragon and an Australian opal miner.) - Oswald from "The Amazing Race 2" | |||||
| April 23, 2002 | "I've already got the ring." (about not having to put out to keep her fiancé happy.) - Ellen Wrisley | |||||
| April 22, 2002 |
"But I still have my finger." (about potentially being single for the rest of her life.) - Alison Hendrix |
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